"Prolonged Exposure to Synthetic Reality..."
March 29, 2000 @ 3:20 am
I wish that I possessed the ability to make people say what was on their mind, be clear, express feeling, show emotions, be honest, see the evil in evil actions, believe what I said, and most of all understand what I meant, I realized today that one of my largest problems and frustrations with life involve the inability of human beings to communicate, that is through effective actions, words (spoken or written), as well as through listening and interpretation. It is why I am not asleep at 3:20 am tonight, and why I didn't sleep last night or the night before. It is my reason for being miserable, my reason for my inability to find meaning or purpose, my reason for being unsuccessful in my relationships with others, and my reason for being unable to get help. I know what I want, when I want it, and how I want it, I just can not say or do anything to make it so I can understand and be understood by others.
My universe imploded and nobody cares and I can't find a way to make them or to explain it. Lets just say it all sucks, I am convinced I am unreachable, unsaveable, and stuck. Why won't someone just shoot me?